我谈过最长的恋爱是，自恋，没有情敌。
Ive been in love for 20 years, its narcissism without rival.
想跟家境相仿的人一起玩，有没有一起要饭的?
I want to play with people with similar family background.Do you want to beg together?
麻烦财神爷把我移出黑名单吧！我要暴富。
Please remove me from the blacklist. I want to be rich.
我是一个自律的人，既然说要减肥，那我就要天天说。
I am a self disciplined person.Since I want to lose weight,I have to say it every day.
掉头发的时候觉得自己是一颗蒲公英.
I feel like a dandelion when my hair falled out.
希望朋友圈的你们，烦恼跟你们的头发一样，越来越少。
I hope you in the circle of friends have lessand less troubles like your hair.
要不是空气免费，我都活不到现在。
If it wasn for free air, I wouldn have survived.
小肚子中有许多委屈，积攒多了，就变成小肚腩了。
There are a lot of grievances in the little belly. If you accumulate more grievances, you will become a little belly.
晚上一起看星星吗？我数星星，你笨，就数月亮吧！
Watch the stars at night? I count the stars, you are stupid,so you count the moon!
不要再问我为什么不谈恋爱了，你为什么不上清华？是因为不想上吗？
Don ask me why I don fall in love, Why don you go to Tsinghua? Because you don want to go?
我这个人特别讲义气，打我不行，打我朋友可以。
Im a very loyal person. you can beat me,but you can beat my friends.
今天又是沙雕的一天，希望看完文章的你们会开心一点点！
图源来自网络，侵权删，谢谢！
