很多时候你不逼自己一把，你都不知道你还有能把事情搞砸的本事。
Most of the time, if you don force yourself, you don know that you still have the ability to screw things up.
遇到喜欢的人一定要表白，你丑没关系，万一他瞎呢。
When you meet someone you like, you must confess that it doesn matter if you are ugly, in case he is blind.
我发誓我再也不熬夜了，如果我熬夜了，就当我没说。
I swear Ill never stay up late again. If I stay up late, Ill take it as if I didn say it.
如果你有喜欢的女生，就送她一只口红吧，至少她亲别人的时候，你还有参与感。
If you have a girl you like, give her a lipstick. At least when she kisses others, you still have a sense of participation.
买了瓶老鼠药，上面写着纯天然绝不含有任何添加剂。我就纳闷了。咋滴？还怕老鼠吃了不健康？
I bought a bottle of rat medicine, which says that it is pure natural and does not contain any additives. I wonder. Why? Are you afraid that rats are not healthy?
“比“宇宙”更大的词是什么”“考试范围”。
"What is a bigger word than" universe "and" examination scope ".
长得丑但身材很好是一种什么体检？背面倾国倾城，正面忧国忧民。
What kind of physical examination is ugly but in good shape? On the back, the country and the city, and on the front, the country and the people.
大家有认识抓妖的道士吗？我可能被猪妖附身了，胖了十多斤，价格面谈。
Do you know the Taoist who catches demons? I may have been possessed by the pig demon and gained more than ten jin. Price interview.
单位聚餐，领导难得在大家面前表扬了我，说多亏了我经常迟到，才有了这次活动的经费。
Unit dinner, leadership rare praise me in front of you, said thanks to my often late, just have the funds for this activity.
刚刚对象突然给我发消息说我们还是分手吧，我还没来得及伤心，她又发来一条：对不起，发错人。差点吓死我，我还以为真的分手了。
Just now the object suddenly sent me a message saying that we should break up. Before I had time to be sad, she sent another one: sorry, the wrong person. Almost scared me to death. I thought I really broke up.
我就是要瘦成一道闪电，劈死那些说我胖的人，结果我胖成了一堵墙，堵住了他们的视线。
Is to thin into a flash of lightning and kill those who say Im fat. As a result, I became a wall blocking their sight.
在网络上有三种东西不能跟人随意攀比：金钱，美貌，幽默感！因为只要你一比，你就会发现自己又穷又丑还很傻！
There are three things you can compare with people on the Internet: money, beauty, sense of humor! Because as long as you compare, you will find yourself poor, ugly and stupid!
不要叫我宅男，请叫我居内大丈夫。
Don call me an otaku, please call me a househusband.
这世界上最美好的事情，莫过于吃肉，从来不会背叛，从来不会欺骗，吃一斤，长一斤，永远真诚相待。
The best thing in the world is to eat meat, never betray, never cheat, eat a Jin, grow a Jin, and treat each other sincerely forever.
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